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lesson #43: the quickest way to make sure something never happens is to say...
waiting for Mr. Fluff and Fold So often when I recount a recent turn of events in my life I hear from one person or another “that is going to make the best story ever”…yeah well, as much as I heart...
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lesson #45: secrets, secrets are no fun…
shhhhhhhhhhhh! If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around to hear it does it make a sound? Oh man…this raises philosophical questions about the definition of sound vs. hearing, the idea...
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lesson #46: when you start pointing fingers there are three pointing right...
if only life came with an undo button My goal in appointing myself as a dating disaster storyteller was to give myself a forum to voice my frustrations, commence the cathartic process towards healing,...
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lesson #47: men are from mars, women are from venus…or at the very least it...
I hate how the beginning is the best and the worst part of dating. Hate.It. Let me say it again for emphasis: hate.it. Mainly because I am not made for beginnings. Number 1: I’m impatient. Number 2: I...
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lesson #48: when I assume I usually just make an ass out of me
the new hood *Disclaimer: This may take a while to read. At times it could be awkward, uncomfortable, and cringe worthy. It may require a glass of wine…actually why don’t you just do that right now…go...
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lesson #48.5: when the going gets tough, the tough turn to milton bradley
I would like to begin by saying the outpouring of concern after lesson #48 was extremely sweet. Unnecessary, but so super nice. Every email of support, phone call pep talk, self-help book suggestion,...
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lesson #49: pencils have erasers for a reason
One of the greatest things about life is that it just keeps going. Regardless of the jackass thing you said, regardless of the damn fool behavior you displayed, regardless of how much you might just...
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lesson #50: if given the choice of a merry-go-round or a rollercoaster always...
In an effort to keep the gerbil on the wheel, I’ve been keeping a low profile lately. And by low profile I mean avoiding interaction with heterosexual members of the opposite sex at all costs. Based...
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lesson #52: kids say the darndest things
Last week I was IM’ing with my 8-year old niece over Facebook. She resides in the land of early to love, early to marriage, way to early to the baby carriage…see the twisted comedy that unfolded: her:...
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lesson #53: it’s only a matter of time before every single girl will jump the...
We’ve all seen what happens when a television show has stayed on the boob tube past its prime. It becomes a painful weekly exercise of writers trying to push out passable material so that their kids...
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lesson #54: “out of mind” only works when her partner in crime “out of sight”...
trouble with a capital warning: this is long. this could require snacks. this could be the one that causes you to finally say “girlfriend you have GOT to get your shit together”. you have been warned....
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lesson #55: I get by with a little help from my friends
People always seem to want to be friends. When you’re breaking up with someone it’s the knock the wind out of you, cherry on the sundae comment that always seems to rear its ugly head right when you...
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lesson #56: I am the music maker and I am the dreamer of the dreams
I just got out of the shower. I do all of my best work in the shower. Seriously. In school I thought through all my papers in there, I think through copy for work, I visualize art projects…it’s...
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lesson #57: hemingway was wrong, there is one true thing
I was in the grocery store tonight and following a couple up the frozen food aisle, and not following in a creepy “I’ve got my eye on you” kind of way. We just happened to both be in need of a...
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lesson #58: sooner or later everyone “we”s
So the social experiment in whether or not I can be friends with a certain former object of my affection has come to a rapid and dramatic conclusion. The verdict is in and it is a resounding “what the...
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“i think i need a new heart”– the magnetic fields
i always feel like the girl “putting down her keys”…and somehow always like the guy who just means to say “turn off the light”
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lesson #59: green is no one’s best color
It’s never easy when we, as people, have to admit to being less than our finest selves. I’m sorry might be the hardest two words in this girl’s english language…I’m a stubborn kid, but I owe someone an...
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lesson #60: there’s nothing better than “re-losing” your virginity
Los Angeles can be exhausting. If you’re not careful, it can spiral into all of the commonly associated stereotypes that made my Dad say, ”Los Angeles? Los Angeles? (deep sigh) Are you sure about this...
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lesson #61: sometimes all you have to do in life is just show up
Scene: Beginning of the 6th race at the Santa Anita Racetrack. Annnnnnnnnnnd they’re off! Me: (pitch in voice increasing) “oh.my.god. My horse is winning!” Him #1: (looking down at my racing form) “Who...
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